Do you ever feel briefly inspired after consuming self-help content, only to feel frustrated after another year goes by without creating meaningful change?
Last week, I hosted a coaching webinar where I had the privilege of coaching attendees on the fly without a safety net.
The people I coached left with a breakthrough after our short time together, but so did the attendees who just listened in. I received so many emails from people who said they learned about themselves by watching others work through their challenges. Several people said they felt reinvigorated to change their life.
However, we often forget the next step after an "a-ha moment" is moving from intellectually understanding personal growth concepts to actually taking bold, inspired action...
And that's when all of the patterns and limiting-beliefs which kept us stagnant in the past show up again.
Yesterday, I received this comment from Jenni on Instagram:
"Like you talked about on the call, I woke up and asked myself how do I want to feel today? I wanted to feel motivated and excited for the day, but I'm not feeling that way at all. I also feel a deep sense of obligation and guilt with the thought of quitting my job. I tell myself I don't owe my employer anything and shouldn't feel bad for leaving. Is this fear messing with my head? I think so."
Jenni, I hear you. And this is why so much self-help content fails to deliver lasting results.
In fact, it implies change will happen at the level of thinking alone. If we just think positive thoughts, we will experience nothing but sunshine and happiness. It's great that Jenni woke up and set an intention for how she wanted to feel that day. It's an awesome first step and I honor her for taking action.
But it doesn't address the deeper issue. If she is going to work every morning at a job that's out of alignment with her purpose, it will be nearly impossible to "positive think" her way to long-term happiness. It's like staring at a garden overrun with weeds and screaming "there's no weeds." You can't create the space to grow beautiful flowers until you acknowledge the weeds and rip them out.
As Albert Einstein says, "Problems cannot be solved using the same mind that created them."
Meaningful transformation requires us to go beyond the level of thinking and heal the emotional trauma under the surface. Jenni's obligation she feels to her employer is a hidden block where part of her believes other people's needs somehow matter more than her own. And after doing this work with so many clients, I can tell you with certainty she wasn't born that way. It's a decision she made early in life as a protection mechanism.
Since I haven't coached her, I don't know what trauma is at the root of the belief. But I know with the right mentor and program, she can rewrite the old programming keeping her stagnant so she can create the passion-filled career she seeks.
This is why I think the term "Self-help" is misleading. Yes, it's ultimately up to you to discover your purpose and bring it to life... but if you knew how to do it on your own, you would have already done it.
The fact is, you've probably been running the same patterns and thoughts for so long, you have just assumed it's your identity. You think you were somehow born less courageous, less intelligent, or less creative than the "other people" who are crushing their goals.
That's a lie. And while it might be keeping you comfortable by avoiding risks, it's also keeping you feeling small, unfulfilled, and unhappy.
You aren't here to live a small life.
This is why having the right mentor, structure, and implementation system will help you get to the next level. You need the perspective of someone who is farther ahead on the path and can help you make the connections you may be too deep in to see on your own.
If you're a person whose bookcase is full of self-help books but you still feel confused and stuck, you are actually just practicing "shelf-help"... and it's time for a new plan of action.
Perhaps the first step would be to click here and fill out this application so we can schedule a time to talk live.
You don't have to do this alone.