I still remember the moment I first questioned the whole Santa Claus thing.
As a kid, I never slept through the night on Christmas Eve. I was guaranteed to be awake and in front of that tree by 2am so I could collect my bounty of gifts.
However, one year I woke up a little earlier than usual.
I ran into the living room to find my mom asleep on the couch. She seemed really flustered when I woke her up. "Daniel, you are up too early. What if Santa didn't finish bringing all of your gifts?" she asked in an exasperated tone.
Not that I was paying much attention. I was too busy tearing through wrapping paper like a human tornado. Within an hour, the gifts were opened and I was back in my bed wondering why mom was acting so weird. And come to think of it, how did she sleep through Santa coming down the chimney with all of those presents?
After I woke up later that morning, I went back downstairs to find one more box hanging from the flue of the chimney. Attached was a note telling me I should be a good boy next year and sleep later. It was signed from "Mr. C." and included a cutout picture of Santa right on the note.
But the handwriting looked like my mom's...
And the picture looked EXACTLY like the mall Santa I had taken a picture with two weeks earlier.
I didn't want to stop believing in Santa but I had some pretty compelling evidence to question the story. After several days of reflection, I asked my mom for the truth and she told me. Even at 8 years old, I wondered how I could have believed such a far-fetched story for so long. I mean, one sleigh loaded with toys for every kid in the world? It shouldn't have been that hard to figure out.
I find many of my clients have the same epiphany after they allow themselves to question the limiting beliefs they carry as adults. Through our work together, we find the holes in the logic and separate what's real from the lies we use to protect ourselves. The breakthrough is almost always followed by a moment where they'll ask "How did I believe this crap for so long?"
When JR and I first started working together, he struggled to open up to people and make deeper connections. While visiting his husband's family for the holidays, everyone spoke at dinner about what they were thankful for during the year. When it was his turn to speak, he wanted to hide under the table. He didn't feel he had accomplished nearly as much as his husband's wealthy, successful family. He was scared to be judged if he told everyone how lost he had been feeling.
His core limiting belief was "Speaking my truth will cause me to be rejected."
But was that really true?
We worked to uncover the origin of his belief. In high school, JR tried to fit in with the other boys while coming to terms with his own sexuality. He would hang out with the jocks on the baseball team and try to connect by speaking their language... sports and girls.
To him, it seemed like whenever he spoke up, he was teased. Not because the other boys knew he was gay, but because they were typical teenage boys who could smell blood in the water when someone was trying too hard to be accepted.
However, in that moment, JR made a belief that he was somehow "less than" the rest of the group and expressing his true self would lead to rejection and emotional pain.
The turning point happened when I pointed out one key element of the story he overlooked.
He wasn't really expressing his true self..,
He was a young gay man trying his best to fit in with straight guys. Depending on where you grew up in the 90's, hiding may very well have been a necessary strategy for protection. However, it also created a long standing behavior pattern which made him feel unsafe to fully express himself as an adult.
I asked JR to tell me about the first time he came out of the closet. He spoke emotionally about how supportive his best friend was in that pivotal moment. I asked him about coming out to his family. Again, he said he felt loved and supported.
In reality, the only instances he could give me of feeling soul-crushing rejection happened whenever he was hiding parts of himself. When he allowed himself to be seen, things seemed to flow much better... which was the exact opposite of everything he believed for over 20 years.
Our beliefs are not truth. They are simply stories we have told ourselves so often, we accept them as truth.
Maybe you are already aware of some of your limiting beliefs. If you're not, you could probably sit down right now and create a list of the thoughts which are holding you back from creating the life you want:
- All of the good people are already in relationships.
- I only attract the crazy people.
- I don't have time to workout in the morning.
- I'd be happier if I had a different job/lived in a different place.
- I don't have enough money to invest in myself for coaching/training/etc.
- I'm not the creative type.
However, simply knowing your limiting beliefs is not enough. Change doesn't happen at the level of thinking. It happens through emotion and action. If you are serious about creating a transformation that LASTS, you must start with my "5 C's of Change."
- Courage. For every limiting belief, there is a traumatic moment in your life in which you made the belief. It's not easy to get beyond your thinking and tap into that raw, emotional place where you made a decision to protect yourself. It will bring up all of the feelings of sadness, anger, and unworthiness. Yet, those feelings begin to go away when you honor them. This is truly the only real pathway to heal and move forward.
- Clarity. Whenever you act with courage, clarity will follow. You will understand the root cause of your limiting belief and feel the liberation which comes from having that knowledge. Wouldn't it be great to know you weren't born inadequate/undateable/less than everyone else? What if you could connect the dots and see the protection patterns you unconsciously created because of the circumstances of your life?
- Compassion. Forgiveness is an essential component of your transformation, both for others and YOURSELF. You aren't stuck because you are lazy, unworthy, or not enough. Up until now, you've done the best you could with the knowledge and tools you had. As you invest in your personal development, you will acquire better tools to build a house on rocks instead of sand.
- Contrasting Action. If you only intellectually understand your beliefs, but aren't taking contrasting action to disempower and overcome them, you're wasting your time. If your belief is "being vulnerable makes me weak," you must begin to ask people for what you need. If your belief is "I don't have time for me," you must stop over giving at work and set the boundary with your schedule. In step 2, we talked about how you've unconsciously created the things you don't like. Taking contrasting action is the step where you consciously create the life you want and deserve.
Does all of this seem overwhelming and scary to you? That's normal. That's why you need one more "C."
5. Coach- If you knew how to climb the mountain by yourself, you would have already done it. One of my previous clients told me she was hesitant to work with a coach because she felt she should be able to handle things on her own. Within 4 weeks of our time together, she made a massive mental shift which changed the way she looked at herself. She said our work together was the catalyst to make it happen.
The truth is we never see our own blind spots. We all need the outside perspective of someone who has accomplished what we seek to do in life. This is why everyone from Richard Branson to Oprah advocates having a mentor to help you get to the next level.
If you're still reading this, it says to me you know you need support to create the life you want.
I would like to offer a unique opportunity for us to work together in June. I will show you how quickly real transformation can happen. If you are a person who:
- Feels stuck in life and told yourself it's too late to course-correct.
- Knows it's time to step up and play a bigger game but keep procrastinating until you have the "perfect" plan to begin.
- Have repeated the same pattern in relationships so long, you've told yourself "I'm destined to be alone."
- Has a vision for your life but feel terrified to take action because you don't think it's "realistic."
- Is curious about coaching but wants to "test drive" before committing to a long term program.
I would love to help you destroy those limiting beliefs during my special 4 week "Belief Busters" coaching program. During this breakthrough coaching experience, you and I will work through those "5 C's of Change." We will:
- Identify the limiting beliefs keeping you stuck (Even the ones you didn't know you had).
- Work together and find evidence which disempowers those beliefs (Spoiler: You're not seeing the forest for the trees).
- Help you let go and find forgiveness (for yourself and others).
- Create powerful contrasting action steps to get you OUT of indecision so you start taking ACTION.
How do I know this program works?
- JR, who I mentioned in the case study above, says he "got more out of one session of coaching with me than he had in years of therapy."
- I could tell you about Micki, who left behind a 20+ career she was bored with and created an entirely new career. She's also gone back to school to complete the program she was accepted to 2 years ago, but too afraid to complete the assessment test. Fear no longer runs her life.
- Or Elizabeth, who drastically reduced her anxiety after 4 sessions and is working hard on her screenplay she's shopping to agents.
Then again, I could just talk to you about my journey. Two years ago, I felt trapped at a job I hated and was scared to leave my comfort zone to do the work I know I was meant to do. Today, I own my own coaching business and have helped people in 7 countries reconnect to what makes them happy. I'm off to Louisville in 3 weeks to deliver my first keynote speech. Plus, I have co-authored a book which comes out in July (more on that soon).
I am living proof these strategies work. My life's mission is to share them with anyone else who is tired of settling and ready to elevate their life.
Now it's your turn to be the next success story.
When you sign up today for my "Belief Busters" program, you will get:
- 4 one-hour sessions of expert coaching where we work together 1-on-1 to create rapid transformation ($880 value)
- Unlimited text/email support in between sessions (Value: Priceless)
- Between session phone check-ins to talk through any new A-ha moments or fears that come up along the way. I have never offered this before. (15 minute check-ins x 4 = $220 value)
- Plus a BONUS 2-Hour VIP intensive to be used anytime within 6 months of your investment. When you invest and show up for yourself, I am committed to providing you ongoing support to make sure you reach your goals ($440 value)
- Access to my meditation library I've created for my clients. These are a great resource for those who need help to start a daily practice ($60 value)
I am only opening this opportunity to a handful of people who are ready and committed to growth. I also want to remove any obstacle to you signing up today.
For 48-hours only, I'm offering "Belief Busters" ($1600 in value) for a one-time investment of $897.
What will be the cost if you don't take massive action towards changing your beliefs today?
Will you continue to go through the motions in the job you hate?
Worse yet, will you leave and take another job that's not right for you because you don't believe your real dream is possible?
Will you continue to overgive at work at the expense of family, friends... and yourself?
Will you continue to close yourself off from love because you are scared to get hurt?
Will you continue to cringe when you step on the scale because you told yourself there is no time to exercise?
Will you continue to blame others while you stay paralyzed by your own fear?
At some point in my life, I've done all of the things I just listed. I've been there and can tell you with absolute certainty to only way to fix things is to begin NOW. Not next month. Not when things slow down at work. Not when you have more money saved. All of those might be your truth right now, but I want to show you they are just another symptom of your own limiting beliefs.
Simply click HERE schedule a FREE, 25-minute breakthrough coaching call. Let's see if the Belief Busters program is the catalyst you need to transforming your life.