It's Easy to Blame Other People For Our Self-Esteem Issues
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"The hot people on Tinder don't message me back. It's crushing my self-esteem"
"My jerk of a boss passed me over for a promotion for some idiot who isn't as qualified. So much for my self-esteem!"
"My partner doesn't make me feel wanted and it's hurting my self-esteem!"
There are 1000 ways that we play this game and outsource our happiness to other people. Yet, at the end of the day, these are merely stories. They are little pieces of fiction that we write to avoid a simple truth.
Self-esteem needs to be cultivated from within. Hence the name...SELF-ESTEEM.
If other people's love and attention were enough to fill us up, we'd do a better job of taking compliments.
How many times has someone told you that you look great in a picture and you immediately point out your perceived flaws?
How many times has someone complimented you on a job well done and you redirect the conversation to what wasn't "good enough" and how it could be better?
Making matters worse, whenever we see only the worst in ourselves, we see the same in the world around us. We will wake up expecting negative things to happen. We will think other people are out to get us. And to some degree, you will be right. Because how you treat yourself is a blueprint you give to the world about how they should treat you.
Likewise, when you make the choice to treat yourself with kindness and love, that energy will be reflected back to you. You will show up in the world in a more energetic, confident way. Because we are all energetic beings, other people will pick up on what you are putting out and treat you accordingly. The shift will happen.
One of my clients complained to me that he was feeling angry about everything in his life. He was frustrated with his career, feeling resentment towards his wife, and really unhappy with himself. He was self-medicating with food and alcohol as a way to numb out. Of course, this just led to more weight gain, which perpetuated more self-loathing.
How did he begin to dig out of the low self-esteem hole? The same way that I urge all of my clients to dig out...By performing some esteemable acts. He started working out and eating healthier. As he began to shed the first couple of pounds, he started to feel better about himself. And how did that change his view of the world? I will share the words he sent in a text:
"It's amazing how self-esteem plays a huge part in what you project onto others and your perception of things."
More self-love = More Self-esteem = Better Outlook
So, what is holding you back? Many people think it is selfish to schedule this non-negotiable time each day to take care of themselves. They think it will rob them of the time that they should be giving to their family and employer. But when we give more to ourselves, we have more energy than we can give to those around us. You can only drive a car so many miles without refueling.
Your family, friends, and co-workers need the BEST version of you and you cannot give it to them unless you are giving to yourself first.
Pick one esteemable act that you will commit to each day this week. Share below how it's affected your overall mood.