Are You Giving To Everyone Else Except You? Read This.
dan masden
Do you constantly feel overwhelmed, stressed, and exhausted?
Clients give me a million stories when I ask them why this is:
My job is so demanding...
The news in the world is scary and negative...
My family expects so much of me...
There aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done...
Blaming people and things outside of yourself is easy (especially because the other person is rarely in the room to defend themselves), but it's not addressing the real issue.
You are not setting proper boundaries.
Yesterday, I spoke to a client who was struggling in this area of her life. When I confronted her about putting everyone else's needs before her own, she said "Yes, but it feels good. I don't have to focus on my own problems."
Therein lies the a-ha moment. While I firmly believe it is in giving that we receive, we can also use our big hearts and generous spirits as a crutch to distract from what we need to heal within ourselves.
For this client, she is 50-years-old and the owner of a successful business which takes up so much time, she no longer enjoys the work. She feels pulled to do something new in the next phase of her life, but it's scary to sell a business and venture into the unknown. Rather than face her fear of failure and take action towards a new life vision, she can avoid those feelings and get a short term-lift by focusing on everyone else.
And she's right. Helping others DOES feel great! However, her approach is not sustainable over the long haul because we cannot give to others what we do not have for ourselves.
You can't pour a drink for others from an empty pitcher.
How do you know if you are over giving to everyone else?
- You live your life in a nonstop state of stress and anxiety.
- Part of you feels burdened by, and even a little resentful of the time you give to others.
- The attention and accolades you get for helping others feels unsatisfying and inauthentic because you feel you're being loved for who other people want you to be instead of who you truly are.
If you are serious about living a more fulfilled life, there is a hierarchy to personal power which you must follow:
- Put yourself first.
- Put your higher power/The Universe/God/Buddha/Source Energy/Whatever makes sense to you second.
- Put other people third.
This is completely counterintuitive to what most of us were taught as children. However, any other variation of this hierarchy means you are seeking significance, validation, and acceptance externally.
Putting yourself before your higher power doesn't make you a Godless heathen. It simply means you are taking action towards living your purpose and trusting that The Universe will support and meet you halfway when you act with courage.
Likewise, putting yourself ahead of other people doesn't make you a selfish A-hole. It means you are loving yourself so you have the energy and stamina to show up in a bigger way for your family, friends, and employer.
If you are being honest with yourself, what hierarchy have you been using up until this point? Have you put other people and higher power before yourself? Are you co-dependent and living by a hierarchy that begins and ends with other people?
It's not too late to make a change.
If you would like some support with this issue, I've helped clients in 6 countries take back their power and end the cycle of overwhelm. I'd love to help you do the same! Simply click here to schedule a FREE, 25-Minute Discovery Coaching Call. In this powerful coaching experience, we can uncover:
- What hierarchy have you been living by up until now?
- What self-limiting beliefs have been keeping you stuck in this energy-sucking pattern?
- What has it cost you to put your needs last?
- What is one action step to help you take your power back and give to yourself?
If now is the time to stop abandoning yourself to make others happy, click here and schedule your free call today!